Dear Diary

You dont understand how you make me feel sometimes. Your harsh words that cut through like a knife and create deep wounds, and just as they begin to heal up you deal me another gash and re-open the wound. Only deeper now than the last time.

I know you dont mean it, you tell me during your apologies. What am I doing wrong to provoke you all these times? I’m not as quick witted as you are, nor as bright. I wish you would take that into account before you make me feel this way. I no longer know how to stand up for myself because I’ve become so submissive. I’m too scared to stand up for myself because I haven’t been the archetype of a good person, I fear I’ll come off as a hypocrite. I don’t want to say something that may hurt you, because i know that its not a good feeling when you’re hurt by someone you love. I don’t want you to go through that same thing.

Im sorry I make mistakes, I wish I never hurt you, I wish I could make you more proud.

Insecurities will kill you.

How can someone who is supposed to be your best friend and accept you for who you are and love you unconditionally be so hurtful. They tell you that youve changed, and molded into a different person who they no longer recognise, but its okay that they’ve done the same thing. What do they get out of picking at your weak points and destroying you inside out? Anything?

Whats worse is that they try to rid you of the thing that has made you feel on top of the world, and blame it for the change. You tell me that i was a goodie goodie, and now I’ve changed because i have a boyfriend. Yeah, says the girl who said she wouldn’t lose her virginity until she was 18…  You look down upon me and criticize me because i have a few drags from a cigarette, yet you do drugs. Not once have i commented about any of those things and I’ve always been there for you if you needed me, yet I’m the one who’s changed.

Sometimes its best to reflect upon yourself before you attack others about their personalities.

Having a secret blog where you can just go and retire and no one will read your posts is amazing. No one from school bugging you, judging you like they would on facebook or on a blog that they know about. 

A secret blog, just for you to shed your tears, cry out in happiness and rant on about your anger. Not worrying about living up to anyones expectations of you and just being able to let go without worrying that people will judge you. You can just be yourself.

If only people werent so judgmental, life would be so much easier for everyone. 

Sometimes its hard to tell who or where your real friends have gone because they seem to hide behind a mask quite often now. It seems as if you know someone really well but then they turn around and fuck you over, make up bullshit so they can get some sympathy. Its sickening really.

I thought you were accepting and genuinely wanted to help. I thought you found it in yourself to dwell in other peoples happiness, but you cant really stand other people being as happy or happier than you. If youre glum the whole world has to suffer with you.

Im honestly sick of some peoples bullshit, this is why I would much rather be a nomad. Travel in a pack that will be true to you, not settle down too long that you can start smelling peoples lies and not have to worry about anyone else’s problems.

Fuck humans, I’m gonna be a bird.

Turn the lights on my nights, this is life, and we only get once chance. Come on dance, take a chance on romance, we only get one shot at this.

They say you only find true love when you stop searching, well I think Istumbled across it when I was at my lowest and when I needed it most. The universe works in a twisted way. Sometimes you’ve just got to take a chance at something, risk it all and just believe in what your heart is telling you to do. 

I found Mr Right, had him all to my self and as soon as I got attached I freaked out and my trust issues took over and I lost everything. I lost my happiness, my laughs, my smiles and most of all I lost the love of my life. I thought things couldn’t get any worse, I was hurting because I lost him and it killed me that I also hurt him in the process. 
They say if you love something set it free, if it comes back its yours forever and if it doesnt, it never was.
My baby came back, and pulled me out of the misery I was in. I was back to my happy state and everyone noticed. I decided to tell my strict mother that I actually fell in love, and to my surprise she was happy for me!

I now wake up every morning and go to bed every night with thoughts of him and a big smile on my face. I can’t recall being happier than I am now. 

Why is it that other people constantly have to meddle with you business? They either ruin a great day, or make a shit one even worse. If I have feelings for someone, why do you feel the need to try and get us to go out if you already KNOW that we have a complicated situation and there is nothing we can do about it? Whats even worse is you bring up touchy subjects and hurt me even more. You know I have feelings for him so why is it that you have to make me feel so much worse by telling both me and him that we NEED to be together. Obviously it kills me that I cant be with someone I love, do you need to push me further into sadness? 

The fact that you tell me I should let him go to be with someone else is shattering! I dont have him locked up, the boy is free to leave if he wants to but he just chooses to stay by me. Clearly he loves me back. 

- “All relationships have their problems, these are ours and we will get through them”